Not much to report tonight. I just really wanted to say this here, because I'm fucking proud as shit of myself today.

I looked back to make sure I had mentioned it, and I noticed the lack of clarity in an earlier journal. I said that I had started going to NA meetings. Well, specifically, I started going to online NA meetings. They're basically run the same as a regular, face-to-face meeting, just held in a chatroom. Well, it's now been about a month since I started going to those, and on my own and with a good friend and support, the conversation keeps coming back to why I'm not going to regular meetings yet.

The night before I went to my first online meeting I tried to go to a regular meeting. I ended up sitting in my car across the street for about 10 minutes, freaking out because I was scared. Hell, I was terrified of going into that meeting. I settled for online meetings after that, because I felt comfortable there, and it was easier for me to share.

Since then, I've used twice. So the conversation keeps coming back to why I'm not yet going to regular meetings. That's where the conversation was last night when I was talking to my friend. So I made the decision that if I didn't go soon, I was going to chicken out again and not go. And I had been wondering if regular meetings would help me more too, I was just still scared of going. So I got on the NA website and looked up meetings that were today. I found one that was pretty much on my way home from class, at noon.

Today I went to my first regular NA meeting.

I got there and sat in the car for a little while, freaking out like last time. Then for some reason, as a woman pulled up in a truck next to me and started walking in to the meeting, I found this little bit of strength from somewhere. I said to myself, "fuck this, I can fucking do this. What am I waiting for?" And I got out and went inside. It was actually really great. Everyone at the meeting was really cool and welcoming, and I am totally going to go back next week. I wish there was a way I could make more meetings work in my schedule, but for now all I can do is the Mon/Wed/Fri noon meetings. Which I think is ok, I'm still going to supplement with online meetings. I just had to tell everyone, because I'm seriously fucking proud of myself tonight.


"They say you grow outta loving rock 'n' roll but it's such a huge part of me. It feels like music raised me, adopted me, saved my life." -Nikki Sixx

Plugin' it baybee. . . .PRoach Riot

Recent Submissions (Yes, I love them ):
Daybreak
Awake, Alive, Asleep (part 1)
Acid Dreams
Golden God
The Plague Pt 1


Poetry Exercises/Challenges:
11/10/08 - 10-line poem in which each line is a lie:
Ten Thousand Lies
11/11/08 - Circular/Crime Poem (description on dev):
Circular/Crime Poem
11/12/08 - Poem using any sense primarily except sight:
Autumn's Pillow
11/13/08 - Endless Poem (description on dev):
4:20 PM




i'll.cross.my.heart
i'll.hope.to.die
but.the.needle
is.already.in.my.eye


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My Art Account:

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Featured piece at
~TheBlackFlame:
Sun Tattoo
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